A little boost goes a long way!

So as you all know, this blogging world is very new to me. It has really been fun to explore and learn new things. I have enjoyed sharing with this wide open world out there. The hard part is feeling like I am spending energy and time doing this and it just goes out there into the ether. To no one? To anyone? Sometimes it feels like I am connecting with others and then other times it feels kind of lonely. Sound crazy? 

Anyway, today I got a note from a friend saying "Love your blog :) Proof below!" with this picture attached. 

A friend's refrigerator with my "Alone Time" post in action! 

It was just the boost I needed to keep at this fun new gig! Plus I absolutely adore her dual purpose turtle magnet with a bottle opener! I am so happy something is resonating with someone. 

Landscaping with Kids in Mind

Mikey and I are embarking on a landscaping project at our house. We are so excited to refresh our space and modernize the feel of our outdoor world. A big componet of our outdoor space is kid zone since we have little ones now and will for quite some time. 

Here are some concepts for a kid friendly outdoor space I have found. Does anyone else have ideas on how to incorporate kid friendly elements into a nice backyard? 

Love this concept of adding a removable cover to a firebowl. Keeps  kids safe during the times it isn't being used and also doubles as a table for warm day parties! 

This kids zone in a back yard is just plain awesome. The hanging wall chalk board looks like something my kids would enjoy playing with.  

How cool is this multi-level kid space. My kids really enjoy climbing and I think this is a great use of a hill in a backyard. Pretty cool. 

Digging in the sand must be Harrison's all time favorite thing. I like the idea of this raised planter box being used for sand. Long term when the kids are done with the digging phase it could easily turn into a veggie box. 

Chaos Remedy

Love this card from my BFF. I keep it on my desk so when I am in the crazy I am reminded of the good stuff in life. Plus a little sparkle never hurt anyone! 

New Reality: Work During Maternity Leave

For all three of my kids, I had very clear maternity leave plans. My partner, firm and clients all knew the plan. I knew the plan. But I didn't follow it. I was and am addicted to working on so many levels. Work is wrapped up in who I am. 

The kids welcoming Hannah home from the hospital. 

Does that mean I missed out on my babies when they were brand new? Probably. Am I sad about that? Yes and no. That sounds terrible.

I think the reality of maternity leave for women like me (and maybe some not like me at all) is that work doesn't really stop. Yes, there are plans and ways to minimize responsibility or people to transfer some work to but all of it doesn't just take care of itself. So when I was on all three maternity leaves, I checked email daily. Yep, daily. Even the first week after each baby was born. In a way, that first week is easier to check email than at two months. Brand new babies sleep all the time and have you up at crazy hours when no one else is awake. Two month old babies are alert, interested and have pretty regular schedules. 

What's my point here? 

I guess my point is that maternity leave isn't really a "true" leave anymore. Cell phones, lap tops and the feeling of being constantly connected is pretty normal these days. Same goes for people's vacations. People don't turn off. Some might have the choice but they still elect to stay connected. For me, that connection to the office kept part of who I was before the baby(ies) alive. It kept me grounded. At the same time, that connection to the office probably held me back from bonding with my babies in the most significant way possible. 

My opinion on this is mixed. I love the idea of a working person having total flexibility to stay connected from wherever whenever. I love the idea that people can strive to "do it all." I don't think the expectation from a company, boss or colleagues for accessibility during a time like new motherhood (or fatherhood for that matter) is okay. I have been lucky that my business partner didn't expect my addiction to being connected. I am sure there was appreciation of me staying in the loop, but not an expectation. That is a big difference. 

At the end of the day, I think we all need to openly acknowledge this shift in the realities of maternity leave. Women need to be honest with their willingness or lack of willingness to be connected during maternity leave. Hopefully people can make these decisions before they are in it and stick with it. Make a choice about how clear they want the line in the sand to be. I choose a pretty fuzzy line and it worked for me. 

I'm curious how fuzzy other people's connection to the office was during their maternity leave. Any one want to share?  

Wildfires Impact on My Bubble

Last week in San Diego made national news. The wild fires the randomly broke out across our county were absolutely devastating. At one point there were nine fires burning within 10 miles in a densely populated area of the county. Thankfully, the local, State and even the Marine Core all deployed resources to combat this situation. 

The effect on everyone was different. For our family, we were safe and sound in our little coastal town. But my mom, brother and our beloved nanny and her family all got evacuated from their homes. I have had this experience myself back in 2007 in the last major firestorm. Being evacuated from a home is a big deal. The emotional roller coaster is wild. I am lucky that in both situations, my home and the homes of my immediate circles all remained safe. For all those less fortune, I wish there was something I could do to help.

The impact in my bubble was big in its own way. I was a "stay at home mom" on Friday. Wow. I have played this role once before but I am very inexperienced at this gig. The last time I tried it, I only had two kids and I had trouble with it. Friday was a loooooong day for me! 

Reflecting on this day has yet again proven my ultimate respect for anyone who manages kids all day long. During the day, there were a lot of wonderful moments where I thought to myself... This is going pretty well; maybe I could actually do this or Wow, these kids are amazing. But all of that lovely talk was overshadowed by them countless times they were running in opposite directions, pulling hair, putting a blanket over the baby's face and ultimately, me loosing my cool and screaming to STOP IT. STOP IT NOW!  

I really wish I was great at being a mom. I work really hard at it. I take parenting classes, I engage with my kids teachers to learn from them and learn about my kiddos, I try. I try really hard. The effort I put forth is a step in the right direction but I still have a long way to be good at this parenting gig. Maybe everyone feels like this? I don't know, but Friday made me feel like a total failure on the parenting role I play. 

The weekend came and I still struggled. Was it because my routine and the kids routine got thrown off? Was it because I really need to have my independence from the family life? Maybe I was just tired and "off." I wish I knew. What I do know is that I am thankful for my family, everyone is safe and really happy to be back at the office! 

Happy Monday. 

Middle Child Play Dates

Let's be honest, the middle child has a tough gig. Harrison is our middle. When Hannah arrived, our pediatrician gave us the advice that he is now a big brother and a little brother, a very special role in the family. We have been doing our best to keep that attitude and language with him but it is hard. It is also pretty easy to see how middle children get "stuck" sometimes. 

Harrison "monkeying" around on his playdate at the Zoo.

Hadley is so vocal and eager to push her agenda. Hannah on the other hand has such immediate needs that she is often quite compelling. Then there is sweet Harrison. Not quite as skilled of a negotiator as Hadley and more self efficient than Hannah. I am starting to see this dynamic in action. Mike and I have really made a concerted effort to make sure he is heard, he gets what he needs and he has special time with each of us. 

One area I noticed lacking was his social calender. He isn't interested enough in play dates yet to proactively request them. But when Hadley was three she had lots of social interactions planned by me or our nanny. So Hadley continues on her social parade and poor Harrison is stuck at home with a baby. 

So I reached out a friend with a little guy the same age as Harrison who also has a big sister. We both chatted about how these second kids get less play dates just by the nature of the big kid's demands. Then she offered to do play dates with Harrison and her little guy when the big sisters were at school. This has turned out to be so awesome. Both the boys get so excited for their very own play dates. I am lucky my friend is carrying the load since our nanny still has the baby which is pretty limiting. 

I am so grateful for a circle of friends and families willing to pitch in to help each other. I hope to return the favor in a way I can someday soon. 

Wish for My Kids

This quote from Oprah strikes me as just right. "Follow your passion. It will lead to your purpose." My wish is for this passion pursuit will lead to great happiness for my kids. 

Side note: I was perusing some old pictures and came across these ones from when Harrison was about three months old. Time flies so fast!! Look how little Hadley was. She was a pretty adorable 2 year old!