Friendship Through The Years

Friends and a circle of support are one of the most critical pieces to my sanity and being able to "do it all." There is this saying "You can't find old friends, you either have to have them or you don't" and wow is that true. Maintaining friendships over long lengths of time and with lives changing constantly is really hard. 

I have a few really solid friendships that have sustained the time and the obstacles of life. One of them is my dear friend Heidi, who I met on the very first day of kindergarten. I was reflecting on our friendship after I went to Kindergarten Night for Hadley. 

Picture from Heidi's archives with the following caption:
"Ahhhh the days of only have to worry about our bathing suits filling with sand!!"

Heidi and I were best buddies in kindergarten. When it was time for us to move to first grade, I was held back. For most of my friendships, being held back meant my friends moved onto the big playground and I stayed on the "little kid" playground. Heidi was such a strong friend, she would come meet me at the white line separating kindergartners from the "big kids." This is just the kind of friend Heidi was and still is. She is an amazing friend to this day. My memories of that year are so strong. Her loyalty and effort for our friendship really meant a lot. 

Heidi and me at our wedding showers!

Through the years, Heidi and I always stayed in touch but honestly over time our circles of friends were just different. Thankfully we both recognized that didn't mean we couldn't stay connected. We both gave each other space to be the people we were. Our friendship has evolved as each of us evolved through high school, college, as roommates and into our adult lives with families. We are lucky to have kids at similar ages so we celebrate our kids together now. After reflecting a bit on this important friendship I realize how unique and valuable a life long friendship can be. 

Many friendships can't maintain through this evolution of life. In fact, many friendships break down when there is major change in one person's life. When I had Hadley, some of my friendships slipped away. I'm not sure if it was because they were still partying mid-week and they couldn't relate, if I didn't put in enough effort or if there was jealousy. It doesn't really matter. Still today, I have friends who I care about deeply but they aren't available to put energy into a friendship. When I was younger I may have been frustrated by this lack of effort but now I respect it. 

Life is crazy. Life is really crazy when you have kids. Then add on a husband, work, family obligations... the list goes one. Life is just busy. Sometimes people just can't swing it or prioritize other things. 

So no judgement here for people who have let friendships take a back burner. In the same breathe, all I can say is that my sanity is intact because of my friendships. Having women in my life who will listen and just be there in a moment of joy, fear or sadness is a necessity for me. My hope is Hadley will experience strong friendship as she enters kindergarten that will bring her to a fulfilling adult life. 

PS -- I can't believe Hadley is starting kindergarten in 4 months!!!