Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Tricky Independence

For 4th of July I was hunting around trying to find great quotes about independence. It was a lot harder than I expected. I found lot of boring presidential quotes. I also found a lot of quotes about independent women. Like this one. It wasn't exactly what I was after.

But that hunt for a great 4th of July quote led me to this reflection.

Independence is a tricky thing. Security is a whole other issue. 

Especially when you are married. There is this balance of being your own person and being someone’s life long partner. You need to stay true to who you are but also be flexible with an entirely different person. That’s tough. Both people grow and evolve.

My hope has always been that Mike and I will grow and evolve in similar ways. Idealistic. Hopeful. So far, pretty good. Not 100%. That would be impossible, right? 

We all want to be able to take care of ourselves; for our kids to grow up capable independent people. But in the same breath, we all rely on one another. And that’s a good thing. Being dependent isn't always bad. Being vulnerable can be good. It is scary. It takes a lot of trust. In my opinion, marriage is based on trust more than any other one thing.

I do have faith (in something, somewhere out there) that it all works out. Maybe there are days, weeks or months when marriage is hard. When there is more work involved in liking (more on like verses love another time) each other. But in the years, it will all come together. 

Independence has a lot of forms. I think Susan B. Anthony had part of it right but there is a lot more to independence and security than earning your own living. Even as a woman who contributes to the household income in a significant way, I still have dependence on Mike. He has dependence on me. It isn't all about making the money. 

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