Tuesday, August 19, 2014

A New Pursuit: Optimism

I really respect optimistic people. I have never been one of them. Since I can remember, I have always been looking multiple steps ahead to prepare for the worst. 


Awesome card from an awesome card shop remarkdesigns on Etsy. 

Generally, life has treated me pretty well. In fact, life has always turned out pretty great. I'm not trying to brag here. I am just sharing about a recent self exploration. And it kind of starts out this way. So if you read on, know this is an exercise for me. Not a brag session. 

In the past, I have always gotten what I wanted. Well, maybe not every single thing... but anything important. I got into a great college. Graduated in four years while working. A great job. A wonderful husband. Nice car. Traveled the world. Beautiful home. One, then two, now three amazing kids. All angel babies. All slept through the night before three months old. Sunshine more than gloomy days. All in all, life is pretty rad. 

So why am I always anticipating the worst? Always stressed out? Always ahead instead of present in the now? If it has all worked out in the past, it will work out in the future, right? Or maybe not? 

I think it might be catching up with me. It is time to change. I need to enjoy. If I don't start to enjoy now, when will I? When I am 85? Nope. I want to enjoy life now. 

Perfect example, just yesterday I posted about my stress on Hadley's first day of kindergarten. This big debate in my head: pick up or not to pick up? What??!! Am I crazy? I might just be. Either way, it will still be Hadley's first day of kindergarten. Either way, I will get to be apart of it. Why am I stressed out about it a week in advance. That is the silliest thing. 

The thing is, that is just how my mind has been wired. To project into the future. 

In many ways, I think this foresight and extremely detailed thoughts about the possibilities ahead of me have allowed me to seize opportunities. I have used this pessimistic and cautious outlook on life to help me get what I want. In a way, to manipulate the future. It has worked. But it is exhausting. I am so tired of feeling stressed.

Recently my best friend and I were chatting about this realization. She made a comment that really stuck with me, "You are always a 12." And I replied, "You mean on a scale of 10??!! I am a 12. Always?" and she confirmed. Hmmm. 

So I am working on being more optimistic. Seeing all the good around me. Having gratitude. I hope that doesn't lead to a boring blog... yikes... there i go again. Rewrite: I'll have to find a way to make this interesting for the blog. 

Wish me luck, for your own sake! 


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