Monday, May 19, 2014

Wildfires Impact on My Bubble

Last week in San Diego made national news. The wild fires the randomly broke out across our county were absolutely devastating. At one point there were nine fires burning within 10 miles in a densely populated area of the county. Thankfully, the local, State and even the Marine Core all deployed resources to combat this situation. 

The effect on everyone was different. For our family, we were safe and sound in our little coastal town. But my mom, brother and our beloved nanny and her family all got evacuated from their homes. I have had this experience myself back in 2007 in the last major firestorm. Being evacuated from a home is a big deal. The emotional roller coaster is wild. I am lucky that in both situations, my home and the homes of my immediate circles all remained safe. For all those less fortune, I wish there was something I could do to help.

The impact in my bubble was big in its own way. I was a "stay at home mom" on Friday. Wow. I have played this role once before but I am very inexperienced at this gig. The last time I tried it, I only had two kids and I had trouble with it. Friday was a loooooong day for me! 

Reflecting on this day has yet again proven my ultimate respect for anyone who manages kids all day long. During the day, there were a lot of wonderful moments where I thought to myself... This is going pretty well; maybe I could actually do this or Wow, these kids are amazing. But all of that lovely talk was overshadowed by them countless times they were running in opposite directions, pulling hair, putting a blanket over the baby's face and ultimately, me loosing my cool and screaming to STOP IT. STOP IT NOW!  

I really wish I was great at being a mom. I work really hard at it. I take parenting classes, I engage with my kids teachers to learn from them and learn about my kiddos, I try. I try really hard. The effort I put forth is a step in the right direction but I still have a long way to be good at this parenting gig. Maybe everyone feels like this? I don't know, but Friday made me feel like a total failure on the parenting role I play. 

The weekend came and I still struggled. Was it because my routine and the kids routine got thrown off? Was it because I really need to have my independence from the family life? Maybe I was just tired and "off." I wish I knew. What I do know is that I am thankful for my family, everyone is safe and really happy to be back at the office! 

Happy Monday. 

1 comment:

  1. I can confirm for you -- everyone feels like this! You are not alone, and you *are* an amazing parent! :-)